ALL SPORTS - Lindsay "The Beast" Warrack

Once again I have succumbed to writing a journal article about the craic and not about the hills, climbing, walking, mountaineering, whatever. As I am in my final year I suppose I am entitled to write a sloppy, sentimental, poetic piece about my time in the club but that's not really my style, nor, more to the point is it something I'm capable of doing justice to. I blame this on the fact that I chose to study engineering and whatever brain cells are filled with creative writing bumpf have been pushed to the deepest darkest recess of my brain and they are inextricable at this particular point in time. There, nuf excuses.

Believe it or not, I do occasionally dabble in various mountaineering related activities but I thought I would bring to light some of the other aspects of club life which to me play almost as big a role as mountaineering. Maybe that's where I'm going wrong… So in no particular order, here is some of the non-climbing/walking banter that I have had with you guys:

Skinny Dipping
This is a fairly regular feature of GUM Club meets.
My first experience of skinny dipping en mass was in Kintail in my first year, after that I stuck to summer dipping, much more 'pleasant' and yes most of the time we are "really really naked" (OB). Reiff is a great place to go skinny dipping apart from the fact it never really gets dark in summer - go on a cloudy night and beware the slippery slipway.

Boat Racing
Possibly the most competitive sport that the GUM Club participate in but that's probably only because Edinburgh are the opposition. I have no personal experience of racing myself but where would our elite team be without the support they receive from a bunch of over enthusiastic, pissed as farts club mates of which I am one.

High performers of my generation: Mr Joe Glennie (he's a man of many hidden talents, see crazy golf), Miss Gillian Culshaw, Mr Andrew MacIntyre, Miss Becky Dye.

Buckfast Drinking
A pass time which is widely participated in thanks to a certain doctor who brought his teenage drinking habits to uni and managed to infect quite a few unsuspecting and impressionable people with a phenomenon which can only be described as jakieism. He (who will remain anonymous just in case the BMA get their hands on a copy of this) still hasn't really managed to shake the habit despite hitting the big QC.

Volley Ball/ Unihoc/ Scout Games/ Football/ Wrestling etc
A regular occurrence in village halls, no skill required in anything just the ability to stand(ish) especially if games commence after the pub. The activities can occasionally result in severe bruising and torn muscles (not mentioning any names, Tanis and Alasdair).

Tennis
I am particularly rubbish at this sport which I have seemed to have played a fair bit in the company of my GUM Club friends. Passed the dry parts of a few stormy afternoons in the Dolomites wielding a tennis racket desperately trying to make contact with the ball. Kelvingrove Park courts also make a good venue in the event of a dry afternoon in Glasgow.

High flyers (in the sense that they can actually complete a game in decent style): Franco, Lizzie Miller, and Tom Marshall

Crazy Golf
Once again this was a bad weather day pass time in the Dolomites although the golf, as I remember, was not exactly the craziest.

Mr Glennie scored the highest out of a field of about 12 GUM Clubbers.

Ice Skating
An ice skating disco provided a great night's entertainment just outside Cortina on the club trip to the Dolomites in summer 2001. There was a bar at the ice rink that gave an interesting slant (almost literally) to the experience. Everyone apart from Perry got the hang of it eventually despite being half cut. Alexis just got more and more angry at his lack of ice skating prowess and the more angry he got the more pissed he got (or maybe it should be the other way round) and the more the barrier was required for existence in the vertical world.

Despite this not even a finger was lost.

Go Carting
Whilst swimming at our favourite spot while on holiday in the Bregalia (Swiss Alps) we often eyed up the neighbouring go-cart track with eager eyes. As the holiday drew to an end we booked a group session on the scorching tarmac. Pulling out onto the track I felt like I was in a formula one car I had never driven with my bum so close to the ground in such close proximity to a plastic petrol tank and it took a bit of getting used to.

As the boys lapped the girls, they pulled some dirty tactics on one another vying for the lead. I managed to narrowly miss a three-car pile up right in front of the garage where the stewards were sitting. The corners sometimes proved a bit of a challenge so a few visits to the grassy banks were had, I did however manage to avoid the walls of stacked up tyres round the outside the.

In the end we reckoned Toby was the fastest with the boy racer from Ayr in second, Cheese blamed his lack of pace on his cart.

Luge d'ete
For those of you who don't know the luge d'ete in Chamonix is basically a summer version of a one man bobsleigh. The concave concrete track, situated on the hillside above the city, is almost a kilometre long, with the top being gained by chair lift. The day we went was very much a typical valley day off in the Alps, warm and sunny low down but with a big storm brewing over the peaks. The first go was a tentative affair just getting a feel for the track on the 'easy' run and sussing out the mode of transport.

The carts were not difficult to control, they were basically just robust plastic sledges with a lever in the middle between your legs. The lever was pulled back to brake (I use this word hesitantly as it was more of a device to slow you down marginally) and pushed forwards to go faster. After the first go it was on to the 'hard' run and the behaviour went from polite stopping-in-order-to-let-kids-go-down to, dare I say it, Brits on holiday…

Relatively near the top of the 'hard' run there was a kink or chicane in the track, this occurred slightly before a small bump, now, this kink was obviously there to curb speed before the bump, as the carts are not really designed to 'get air'. However, the discovery of this potential jump started initiated of mayhem as slowing down for the chicane became out of the question if logging flight time was the intention.

The first person on a take off mission set off down the track closely followed by the rest, if the chicane was taken badly then it could dislodge person and cart from the track causing bruising and the occasional grass burn. However if the kink was passed at speed without any hitches then the person hit the jump with momentum still carrying them not only forward but also veering left from the exit bend in the chicane. The result of this was the carts being thrown into a turn of anywhere between one and 180°. I think it was Lynda who ended up going down sideways with cart grating along the lips of the track, MacIntyre managed to do the 180 and was thrown into a state of confusion when trying to work out how to brake.

Anyway an immense fun was had by all and by the end of the afternoon various injuries had been sustained by a number of our party. These were mainly in the form of friction burns due to departing with the sleds at a high velocity and continuing to travel to travel down the track on knees and elbows.

The winner of the friction burn competition was Curly Andy closely followed by Lynda.

A health warning should be attached to this particular sport but if you ever go to Chamonix it is a must try activity - possibly even before you go climbing.

Over and Out
These are just a few examples of random fun and games had by GUM clubbers over the years I have been in the club. In reality though the list is endless and that's what makes the banter. Whoever said we were just a mountaineering club!

Warning: Most, if not all, of the above sports are dangerous (especially when alcohol is involved). Please participate in them with regard to your own and others' safety.

Disclaimer: In the event of trying any of the above sports as a consequence of reading this article you do it at your own risk. I will not be held responsible for any injury sustained whilst trying these sports.